"I am not enough," Weed Whackers, and Steelers
I am not enough.
It’s a deeply rooted identity belief that I have and despite my best efforts, I cannot eliminate it. I envision one day being able to take a weed whacker to the belief and chop it all down to the earth, then dig out its roots and pour acid in the hole. After that, I’d pour cement so that no roots could ever grow back. But this might never happen. It might take a lifetime just to find a strong enough weed whacker.
So then I believe that I am not doing or being enough in my quest to eliminate the belief. If I were enough then my attempts would be more successful. It’s like the plant I am trying to kill just grew another limb. I now have to find self-acceptance for believing that I am not enough in my attempts to eliminate the belief that I am not enough.
A Shift in Being, a book by Leon Vanderpol, speaks to this very concept. He writes, “The innate tenacity of our ego-patterns gives rise to a final challenge: the frustration, impatience, and lack of acceptance that can accompany the process. People blame and berate themselves for recurring patterns of negative thought and emotion. “Why am I still having this experience? I have been working on this for so long. I thought I’d moved past this, let go of this, and here it is again. I should be applying all I’ve learned by now.” And then they become vulnerable to spiraling down into a core limiting belief. “It must be because I’m not good enough, smart enough, confident enough, trusting enough—not something enough.”…Yet the fact of their experience and the presence of that belief is simply a sign that it has not yet been fully healed, that there is more to do to release it from the depths of the mind. This is how life works—it conspires to shower us with blessings in the form of people and situations whose role it is to highlight ego-patterns in need of healing, repeat as needed until healing is complete.
Healing our personal gravity takes patience and often considerable energy. This is where time factors in; if we want to embody new ways of being, we have to be prepared to put time and effort into healing that which holds us back from that reality…but healing of deep seated ego-patterns is rarely instantaneous, often slow and arduous, and requires dedication and persistence. But once healing has occurred, how good it feels, like the energy drain has been plugged…It will not be an easy process, but as you courageously face and attend to your personal gravity, your way of being will shift markedly, and you will step into a new paradigm of personal experience.”
I like his words that life “conspires to shower us with blessings in the form of people and situations whose role it is to highlight ego-patterns in need of healing.”
An impending international move…
A familiar city, but one that looks different to me now…
New jobs…
And being first time homeowners…
These situations are ripe for rooting out my ego-patterns. Maybe in them I will find my weed whacker after all.
[Please enjoy how an enormous crop of people in Mexico shared their enthusiasm for “them Stillers” a few weekends ago. Not only are they fans, but I venture to say that some Mexicans speak Pittsburghese better than they do English. Also some photos of biking around the city and Sunday jazzercise on the street –taken back in February by my mom.]
